oh so much to say

We have not been posting. I am sorry. We have been going through so much and now feel ready to share with all of you. It all started because we were planning a secret attempt of getting pregnant. We were thinking we would inseminate in early December and we were so excited. Maybe naive. Definitely hopeful. We wanted this.

Instead, we go to see the RE and she sees a cyst that is really big and she thinks we can still go forward but wants to get it checked out, just in case. One week and tons of ultrasounds later (more then can be counted on a hand), we leave her office with the knowledge that maybe tomorrow (last Tuesday) we can start inseminating and being told "call back in the afternoon for your blood results and I just want to check with the oncologists." I call back and am told "this cycle is off, you have to get a CT and meet with the fancy dancy oncologists." F*ck. Now, everything is so scary. Cancer? Surgery? Can we still go to CO and VT for the holidays? Everything was up in the air for another week.

It turns out I have a cyst the size of a grapefruit between my bladder and my left ovary.

We went to the oncologist yesterday. Young, so nice, so smart oncologist says yes, surgery. No question about that. She does not think it is cancer. She really did not even focus on that - which i am taking as a good sign, although she will do tests once its out. I really liked the surgeon and the facility in general. So, no pregnancy to report here. Just a surgery happening on 12/28.

To say that H. and I have been praying and hoping that good good news comes to us is an understatement. The best thing about all of this is my wife. She has been amazing, I don't know what I would have done with out her. I feel that always, but this has just made me appreciate her so much. I feel like that sentence does no justice to how I have been feeling about her. What a perfect partner in life I have. (If you know me well, you know I am tearing up as I write this.) Family and the handful of friends who know about all of this have been wonderful too. We have been surrounded by a band of angels.

Still scared, still praying, still hopeful for good news here. We are mostly so happy to know the next step. I will be out of work for at least 3 weeks after the surgery (more if they have to do an incision) so there will be many more posts. Meanwhile we are so happy to be going to our families. We know good food, tons of laughter and family time with be restorative to us both. We need this next two weeks.

Here is our Christmas tree.

Here is Ellie doing a glamour shot

Hazel is loving sleeping under the tree. It is so so cute. I just might have to send this picture to here it is so cute. She also loves to "play" with the ornaments and she has discovered that she loves to eat popcorn-right off the tree of course. (You might have noticed the bottom of our tree looks a bit sparse.)

and here are Hazel and Sadie who have discovered that it is really not that bad to cuddle (all of Hazel's hard work and persistance in the persuit of snuggles is finally paying off!)


So if you pray, believe in cosmic energy, please send it out to me and H. in two weeks. I write this post ready for our band of angels to get a bit larger and with so much happiness that, while it seems this will be a process and likely a bit (or more) scary, at least it is not cancer. As H.'s Busia would say, "This too shall pass." If we don't post again soon, Happy Holidays everyone.
L.